No one's slick as Gaston No one's quick as Gaston No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston For there's no man in town half as manly Perfect, a pure paragon You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on No one's been like Gaston A kingpin like Gaston No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating My, what a guy, that Gaston Give five "hurrahs!" Give twelve "hip-hips!" Gaston is the best And the rest is all drips No one fights like Gaston Douses lights like Gaston In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston For there's no one as burly and brawny As you see, I've got biceps to spare Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny And every last inch of me's covered with hair No one hits like Gaston Matches wits like Gaston In a spitting match, nobody spits like Gaston I'm especially good at expectorating Ten points for Gaston! When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs Every morning to help me get large And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs So I'm roughly the size of a barge No one shoots like Gaston Makes those beauts like Gaston Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston I use antlers in all of my decorating My, what a guy Gaston! |
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